What to Expect When A Player is Suddenly Smitten with an NPC: Troubleshooting
"My GM keeps pushing this NPC at me and I'm just not interested!"
This can happen when a GM assumes that a player's smitten with an NPC but hasn't asked to be sure. In this case, the GM is trying to give the player what they think they want: a much closer relationship with the NPC. The player might not be showing major signs that they're annoyed, especially when their character doesn't want to be rude. Or the player could be giving plenty of signs that they're sick of the NPC but the GM isn't seeing or heeding them.
This can happen when the GM is smitten with an NPC. Since they're impressed with and delighted by the character, it's easy to assume the players are, too. Having the NPC tag along offers the GM more chances to enjoy the character and win the players over. The trouble is, the GM may not consciously realize how attached they are to the NPC or how unamused players are. Consider it like having a crush: their perception is skewed so they only see the best in the character and it's easy for misunderstandings to occur.
When a player feels stuck in this scenario, it may be tempting to have their character verbally or physically attack the NPC in-game. Hurting or slaying the character will have to make it clear they're not wanted and put the matter to rest, right? And a blow-up will be cathartic and clear the air - what could go wrong? It's understandable that a player wants to express their frustration, but this route can easily lead to arguments and grudges. Instead, there are two key ways to circumvent this problem.
"My character is in a romantic relationship that I don't want!"
There are a number of reasons why these situations occur. If a player relishes an NPC's presence, their GM might assume they want a romance with that character. A GM can take flirting as a sign that the player wants more in that vein. Sometimes a GM will amp up the romance to inject drama into the story. Other times, they decide that it makes sense for one or more NPCs to develop feelings for the player's character. Much of the time their intentions aren't bad, but if the player isn't on board, they can quickly feel trapped.
If you're in this situation, the fastest and best way to resolve it is to speak with your GM privately, ideally outside of game day. If a face-to-face discussion seems daunting, send a message or email. It can be helpful to assume your GM isn't trying to annoy you but may have misread or misunderstood the situation. If they've given you reasons to believe they don't care how you feel about the matter, you can still try to discuss it with them, but don't be surprised if it doesn't go well. Either way, the advice below can be helpful.
Start the discussion with what you enjoy about their campaign; saying "thanks for running" also helps set a good tone. From there, express how you feel and what you want as simply and directly as possible. First, specify whether or not you wish to interact with that NPC at all. If you don't mind having the character around, explain what kind of relationship you want to have with them moving forward (friendship, mentor/student, etc.). If you do mind their presence, let your GM know if you want them to be completely removed or just for their "screen time" to be reduced. If you only wish to deal with one NPC romantically and avoid a love triangle, make that clear.
Before you send your message or talk with your GM, sleep on it. When the time arrives, try to stay focused on the issue at hand, even if other problems exist; you can address other things later. Assure your GM that you're willing to work with them to make the change happen smoothly and easily, and give them a few days to respond. If they don't reply before the next session, you may have to broach the matter before the game starts.
Your GM might ask to adjust the relationship over a few sessions for the sake of plausibility. If you don't mind waiting, great, but if you do, it's okay to insist on an immediate change. Something can happen between sessions - such as a major disagreement - to explain the shift. If they refuse to alter the situation at all, or if they continue to take things in the same direction despite telling you they wouldn't, you should probably walk away from the campaign. You deserve a GM who respects you and your desires, and you can find one who will value your comfort and fun.
"A player keeps trying to romance an NPC, and I feel awkward about roleplaying it."
Sometimes a player is already comfortable with the idea of roleplaying romantic encounters; other times, they're so taken with an NPC that they're willing to put their own awkward feelings aside. Either way, it's easy for players to assume their GM is willing to go along with what they want. But that doesn't mean a GM will know how to roleplay romantic scenes, care to have such scenes in the current campaign, or have any interest in portraying much beyond the basics.
It can help to establish how comfortable you are with romantic scenes during Session 0, especially if the campaign is heavily social and romance is an option. If you don't mind others having relationships but don't wish them for yourself, say so. If you'd rather not sit through extended banter or sexual content, or you'd prefer for romantic scenes to be handled privately, specify that. This can help avoid some blunders later. However, a player might meet an NPC who makes them change their mind later. That's what this guide is about, right - that NPC you just have to pursue?
If you're at least willing to try having romance in your game, you have a variety of options about how - and how much - to play it out:
Roll the Dice
If you want romance to be part of the story but don't want to dwell on it, stick to dice rolls. If the system you're using has social resolution mechanics that work, use them; if not, the GM can decide what's appropriate.
Ask for a Private Test Run
Experimenting can be easier when there are fewer people around. A separate scene outside of game day can sate your curiosity and/or build your skills, and if you end up feeling comfortable, you might try a scene during a full session later.
Keep it Private
If you won't ever be comfortable roleplaying romance in front of a group - or if others have said they don't want to see it - keep scenes between lovers private. If the GM doesn't want to deal with it, the players involved can summarize any key story developments.
Hide Your Face
It could be easier for some gamers if romances are handled at a distance physically. Writing online may help alleviate some fears of being watched and judged. If you enjoy hearing and portraying characters' voices, a phone call can work just as well.
Keep it Brief
Nothing says an engaging romance has to take a lot of time. Quick exchanges and messages can hold a lot of tension and even be fun for others to watch! And nobody wants to wait forever for their turn to interact, whether during social scenes or combat.
Use the Third Person and Keep Your Distance
You might encourage using the third person point of view for romantic exchanges. "The lord compliments your dress and asks for a dance" can seem less personal than a direct delivery in the character's own words.
Keep Scenes G-Rated and Public
Avoid cursing and sexual content; this can keep many gamers from taking things too far. It may also help to keep characters in public spaces where they'll have to watch their behavior or suffer social consequences.
Ultimately, the preferences of everyone at the table matter. If anyone is adamantly anti-romance, then take it elsewhere. If everyone is okay with it, you can work out any concerns together. If it works, it works; if it flops, you can either adjust your approach or move on. But no matter what, whether you're running or playing, you never have to start, play through, or finish any scene. If you really aren't interested, you should always be able to say no without being punished for it. And if your desires and boundaries aren't respected, you should probably move on.
Sometimes the only way to find the right person - or group - for you is to release one that isn't working out.
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