"Slaying the Dragon" (resized) by Dagny Mol is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0
Every pastime has its troubles, and tabletop gaming is no exception. With such a wide range of players, products, and playstyles, there are many ways for things to go wrong. That doesn't mean the hobby isn't worth your while; it just means you'll need to troubleshoot issues from time to time. The good news is that you have options and can repair many snags before they get worse. So let's look at some perennial concerns in TTRPGs and how to deal with them.
And remember: when in doubt, talk problems out with gamers you trust - and if you don't trust the people you're playing with, leave.
On one hand, tabletop roleplaying doesn't have to be a very expensive hobby. You can borrow books from others or ask for them as holiday or birthday gifts. Tracking down used or cheaper copies is easier than it's ever seen. You don't have to collect tons of dice or armies of miniatures (depending on which game you're playing, of course). You can record things on paper or free digital options like Google Docs.
Trust me, I know all of this from first-hand experience. I was raised poor, and I was a college student barely covering my bills during my first decade of gaming. I wanted to have a solid collection of books but I had to pull out all my money-saving tricks to make it happen. And I've had to sell portions of my collection during times when money was tight. Still, I always kept an eye on my budget and kept my expectations realistic.
But collecting can be a real joy in this hobby, and a valid one. It can be rewarding to gather and care for a collection, and doing so preserves the history of the hobby. And there are so many neat things to gather, from official merchandise to custom items from community makers. Some items are expensive; others run up the tally fast as you buy more of them. With 24/7 online purchasing power from many outlets, it can also be easy to overspend. This can be painful for those who don't have a lot of disposable income, but many can collect something, however small, that brings them joy.
Tracking what you buy, how, when, and why can help. Make wishlists and spreadsheets. Plan for purchases. Be considerate of your means and space, as well as others who live with you. And if your efforts start to feel compulsive or unpleasant, stop and seek support.
The first roadblock many folks encounter is not being able to find other gamers to play with. If you want to have sessions in the real world rather than meeting online, you're going to need to connect with interested parties in your area. Even if you're willing to drive a distance, you'll still be confined to a certain radius. And even if you live in a well-populated area, it might not be easy to find gamers. Local gamers may not be into tabletop RPGs or the one(s) you like. They may already have established groups that aren't open to new members. Most of these issues can arise in online gaming, as well.
If you have a local game store, you can try to connect with others there. I do have to specify "if" because many game stores have died and they aren't easy to keep alive. If a store hosts games or tournaments, your odds of connecting with people who play can greatly improve. Some offer space to play for free on a first-come, first-served basis or for a small fee. Either way, it's worth taking a look and asking questions.
Virtual tabletops like Roll20 allow you to search for games to join, but there are some drawbacks. First, each only searches within its own service, so you might have to join various VTTs. Another problem can be finding the system and setting you crave the most. Dungeons and Dragons could be the most popular game by far, so if you're looking for something else, you could be out of luck. Some services won't have character sheets or other premade resources for the system you want to use, and it isn't always easy to make them, particularly if you're new to the service. Still, a VTT help you find an online game that works for you.
Tabletop Wizard seems to offer a simplified way to find games to join on their site. It's free for basic use but you can spend a few bucks a month to make your games stand out in search results (if you're a GM), or if you just want to get rid of ads. I haven't used it so I'm not sure what the experience is like or how successful people are in finding, joining, and actually playing with groups there.
Message forums have been a common way to hunt for groups in recent decades, but they're hit and miss. They don't usually have a standard format for describing what you want or what you're offering, which can lead to misunderstandings. On many sites, forums aren't as visible and active as they once were; on social media, they're entirely absent. Meetup is a way to try to find local gamers online and meet them IRL. I tried it once a long time ago and met a man who's now my brother from another mother - but we were the only two who showed up out of the whole group that said they'd be there. I didn't try again after that.
Talking with people you know can be an easier to find other gamers. Friends, fellow students, and others in your life might have played TTRPGs in the past. They could be playing them now but haven't talked about it with you before. They might be willing to give them a try or know locals who play. If you don't feel comfortable asking certain people, like coworkers, you don't have to. While many people are open-minded about tabletop games now, some still aren't. Keeping your hobbies private is a valid choice and could avoid problems down the line. Whatever the case, consider different social circles and individuals. Your cool uncle or friendly neighbor could be just the person you need.
Even in the best groups, personal clashes happen. Some groups are formed by people who are already good friends, but even friends can disagree. If the group works well and has fun much of the time, it can be worthwhile to offer others some grace and try to negotiate solutions before throwing in the towel. Of course, if you feel unsafe or unwelcome, it's best to carefully make your exit. Even if it took a long time to find such a group, you can find another that makes you feel secure, so don't ignore your gut.
There are some common points in the tabletop experience when things can easily become awkward, confrontational, and otherwise uncomfortable, so they're worth knwowing about.
Starting a new group can be odd for a little while. Playing with strangers can lead to more misunderstandings, and smoothing things out can be more difficult when you don't know the best ways to approach someone. Try to give folks some time to gel. If you feel uncomfortable more often than not after a couple of sessions, ask yourself if you want to talk with the GM about it or if the group really isn't for you. It can be better to leave sooner rather than later, when people are more invested and problems have had time to fester.
Trying a new game system or setting can lead to issues as people wrestle with learning rules and how to use their characters. Creating character sheets together can help, but it also means all the players will need access to copies of the rules. Making cheat sheets can improve how sessions run, but you'll still probably have to look up rules from time to time. Offering some more time and grace in those early sessions can keep things friendly. Asking others if they want help can be good, provided you respect their answer. Taking over others' characters or berating them for mistakes will only lead to more trouble; if you feel those urges, it's time to talk with the GM.
Showing up late without warning, or showing up late regularly, can make the rest of the group grumpy. Sending a quick status update to the GM is the polite thing to do. Since the GM is running the session, they need to know who will be there, and some won't start until they do. Many players arrive early or on time to maximize the time they have to play, so they'll resent delays. Sessions held in people's homes often create extra work for the host (stocking, cooking, and cleaning); they may see being on time as respecting their efforts. Many gamers will understand occasional tardiness but eventually kick chronically late gamers from the group.
Cancelling at the last moment - or being absent often - can also make groups unhappy. It's true that a game isn't a job and some understanding should be shown. People get sick, things come up unexpectedly, and some absences are to be accepted. But a tabletop gaming group with a schedule is a social obligation and members have expectations. One problem is when people fail to show up with no warning, even when they could have safely sent a quick text; as above, it's usually deemed rude not to give your GM a heads-up. You don't have to message the whole group or continue to answer their messages, particularly if they're mean or you're dealing with other matters; just tell the GM.
Another major issue is that some GMs won't run a session if enough people don't show up. Some GMs will cancel everything if even one player is missing. In small groups where each player is needed for decent odds at success, that can make sense. Other GMs will cancel the whole session if it won't make sense for characters to suddenly go missing. A few GMs will run as long as one person shows up, even if it leaves others behind. But players who miss out even though they showed up can be resentful of whoever was absent. This is especially true if the same person is often gone and seems not to care about the game. Discuss options with your GM and be honest. If you can't be there regularly, you may have to bow out.
Disagreements about how to play often crop up when playstyles clash. If one person likes to speak as their character - in the first person, taking on their character's cadence and mannerisms - but other players really don't, things can get uncomfortable fast. If a player has made a lone-wolf character who's always off doing their own thing when the group wants to pursue a quest together, expect some disatisfaction. When one player tries to act as the party leader but others don't want to be told what to do, arguments are likely. While the GM is typically meant to help navigate these problems, communicating as a group could be needed to get everyone on the same page.
Gamers can also get heated about rules and outcomes. Arguments about how rules should be applied can last for hours, derailing game sessions altogether. Having written rules to refer to won't necessarily keep disagreements from happening, since people have different interpretations and can make mistakes. When players fail important rolls, it can be incredibly frustrating. If it leads to the death of a character or other negative results, people can respond with more passion than you might expect. And any suspicion of cheating can lead to ugliness quickly. The GM is often the one tasked with keeping things calm, but everyone should work to stay supportive. GMs usually have the final call on how rules are applied, but there's nothing wrong with the whole group figuring out a compromise everyone accepts.
Different groups have different social norms, and not all of them are supportive or healthy. This can mean that new players may not be comfortable with jokes or other interactions while the rest of the group doesn't see a problem. Groups can also become insular and resistant to change, so even if new members raise concerns, they aren't really heeded. Sometimes a player, a GM, or the group will turn on one person for no good reason. And groups where people are inebriated may become unbearable for those who aren't. Leaving may be for the best, but it can be a bitter experience and sour people for years to come.
The best advice I can think of is this: If you dread going to a game because of the group, don't go. If you're thinking of leaving the hobby, try leaving the group first. A bad player or group can make everything worse, and leaving them behind can free you up to find something better. Since there's so much more to the hobby to enjoy, you owe yourself another chance.
It isn't hard to become so engrossed by the hobby that you neglect other important parts of your life. There are books to read, sessions to plan, and daydreams to enjoy. Just talking about it can be a lot of fun, and creating art and crafts for can take up plenty of time. And you don't have to be a kid to prefer playtime over obligations. Adults need recreation, too, for stress relief among other things. But the more stress some gamers are under, the more they try to vanish into the hobby. It can become compulsive, all-encompassing, and difficult to stop.
For minors, this can mean foregoing homework, ditching classes, and abandoning extracurriculars. But adults are likely to intervene when minors show signs of trouble, like slipping grades. Adults with authority, such as teachers and parents, can save minors from continuing a downward slide. Forbidding all gaming forever might not be the best solution, however, since it can have benefits, when it's done in healthy ways.
These steps can help minors develop better habits and coping skills as they get back on track:
Review how their habits are hurting them.
Talk about what's causing them stress.
Establish reasonable goals for improvement.
Offer reasonable amounts of game time after their responsibilities are met.
It's better to work with kids on regulating their behavior now, because it can cost them greatly as they get older.
Obsession remains a real concern for adult gamers and the people in their lives. There's little to stop adults from spending their time absorbed in a hobby, whether it's roleplaying, sports, or something else. As long as they pay their bills, it can be easy to ignore other problems. Some matters, like finances and health, can suffer for a while before circumstances become dire but take years to recover from. And the damage won't stop there.
Compulsive behavior inevitably damages relationships because it leads us to ignore the desires and needs of others. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I've seen gaming obsessions contribute to the end of marriages. But it's never been the only factor; it's always been a sign of other deep issues that weren't being addressed. There are reasons obsessed gamers want to escape so badly, and they probably need help to deal with those things. So if you notice you're gaming when you should be tending other things, it's best to seek help before it gets worse. And if you notice someone else being lost to a fixation, you might want to ask a professional for ways to get through to them. Destroying their property will probably do more harm than good, but showing them you care about them in the real world can help them want to return to it
For people with conditions like ADHD, anxiety, and depression, it can be easier to enter a state of hyperfixation. We pay complete attention to one thing, and everything else is tuned out. While this intense concentration can begin voluntarily, it isn't always a conscious choice or easy to stop. It may simply be a sign of great personal interest, but it can also be a coping mechanism to avoid sadness, fear, and uncertainty. Most people will enter a state of flow on and off in their lives. Flow is similar in that a person becomes focused on what they're doing. The big differences are that with hyperfixation, people have trouble disconnecting from the activity and are more likely to neglect themselves and others while pursuing it.
If you think you might be obsessing or hyperfixating on games, you can try to set time limits or a schedule for yourself. Cell phone alarms can be useful to alert you, but you have to make yourself disengage and move on after the alarm goes off. It could also help to keep a journal to record if you're able to stop when you should, how you feel, and setbacks like poor grade reports or comments at work. But then you should consult your journal about once a week to see if you notice negative trends. If other areas of your life are suffering, you have to be honest about that. You should contact a professional if you're uanble to regulate these matters on your own. Sometimes outside assistance makes all the difference and helps us enjoy life and our hobbies again.
Those who begin playing tabletop games as minors or young adults often have more free time to spend. Depending on other activities and their needs, young gamers might be able to play or run daily or several times a week. This can be very fun and exciting, but only lasts for so long. As gamers work, pursue goals, take care of others, and wrestle with their own health, finding time to play can be a real struggle. This can be exacerbated when others don't understand the hobby and don't want to help you make some time for yourself.
This contributes to problems with scheduling game sessions, a major issue many groups face. It can be hard enough for one person to make time in their busy schedule for fun. Trying to find a regular day and time where everyone in the group can attend can be much more difficult. And as noted above, some GMs won't run if one or more people are seriously late or absent. Making a firm commitment to a hobby may not be in the cards for many reasons, including rotating shifts at work and the desire to keep gaming a casual kind of fun that's low-stress and low-priority. This can lead to weeks of canceled sessions and the collapse of groups that could succeed, if only everyone could be present.
Once again, communication and flexibility are key. It can be helpful to take a few moments at the end of a session to pencil in the next one. It's best to let the GM know you can't make it ASAP and to suggest other days or times that work for you when you do. Sharing a calendar online might work well, but direct communication is the only way to know everyone is aware. Shorter sessions might be easier to accomplish than longer ones; meeting once or twice a month could be more doable than every week. And allowing the group to proceed despite a late or absent player can mean more gaming for everyone in the end.
No one wants to feel left out, of course, and sometimes a session just isn't going to work out. It's okay to throw in the towel and do something else, apart or together. But to keep a group together, gaming has to be enough of a priority for most, and being part of a group means wanting everyone to have fun and sharing the spotlight. This might mean letting others game without you for a time and making an effort to put aside hard feelings about it. As the Stones said, we can't always get what we want, but if we try, we can get what we need. There are many creative ways to include everyone: running a little play-by-post scene between sessions, sending an absent gamer a recording or summary, letting people know we missed them via text, or offering aid (like transportation) that makes it easier for someone to attend next time.
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